I think my life is a paradox

because every time I've made a stupid reaction to an occurrence, it ended up being a good one.

I haven't written as much as I intended to in recent months because my emotions haven't been where I would have liked them to be. Feeling-wise, I’ve had a lot of extremes: I’ve been shit scared, I’ve been overly joyous, I’ve been cold and unmotivated, and I’ve been pumped and excited. What a year it has been!

Although the extreme emotions I experienced could have inspired me to write something great, I decided against it as I wanted to deal with my emotions in other ways. It's possible that my laziness or reluctance to reveal too much also played a role. It was likely a mixture of everything.

Now, I’m deciding to write for the same reasons I didn’t write. I’m not afraid of being too emotional or illogical, I’m choosing to write when it’s not exactly convenient, and I might be revealing too much. I don’t know why, but it just feels like the right thing for me to do is to pen these thoughts down.

I think my life is a paradox because I’ve benefited from doing crazy/irrational things in this life.

Let me explain.

I remember when someone hit me in the most disrespectful manner you can think of. I was very pissed, but I didn’t react. Instead, I took a long walk, bought her favourite drink (which was very scarce), came back to where she was after she’d dropped many texts and unreturned calls, and then I gave her the drink. I’ve never been the one to let things slide, and even if I couldn’t have returned her action in the same way, I should have done something to show my displeasure. I was pissed and I didn’t know how to react to what she did, so I bought her a gift instead.

I guess my reaction surprised her (it surprised me too), and that made her put in a lot of effort to make up for the misdeed, which led to bigger and more beneficial things for our “friendship”, as that incident and the aftermath made us stronger…

An intentional man. 🤡

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During my years as an undergraduate, I wanted to make sure that I left the university in the most fulfilling manner possible after having had many issues with my academics. The logical thing was to lay low and intensify all my study efforts. But like I said here: what is dead may never die. So I decided to use an unusual approach instead. I ran for the position of president of my department (and won), joined the university debate team, picked elective courses far from my scope, and engaged in a lot more social activities. The result? I ended up getting that feeling of fulfillment while managing to get my best academic results in those very busy years.

There have been more:

I’ve repaid one of the biggest disappointments I’ve ever gotten, with an increased level of trust, and I swear, it ended up being good for me. I’ve also resigned from a second job that paid me more than my main job, and I ended up feeling free and happy.

My point is, every time I didn’t know how to react to an occurrence and I settled for something stupid, I didn’t regret it.

I do not claim to have special powers or an exceptionally tactical mind. I don’t even think about these things deeply most times. But I’ve noticed a pattern that I’m never going to be afraid to follow: every time I’m helpless or don’t know the right reaction to an occurrence in my life, I won’t be afraid to do something stupid if that’s all I can think of. It’s helped me before, so why shouldn’t it help me again?

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About two weeks ago, I finally decided to retire from my main side-hustle because it was stressing my life too much. Some days after the financially-vulnerable decision to retire, I also unavoidably lost my job. What a way to end the 1st quarter of the year! 💀

Anyway, I want bigger things now. I’m not going to edge, or settle.

But as it is like this, I don’t know what to do.

So I guess it’s time to make some stupid decisions, baby.

I'll justify my actions with my history. I also believe in Allah and trust Him absolutely. And finally, I'll hold y'all who have read this article accountable, in case wahala go sup. 💀😹.
I guess I’m good to go?

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I said this year is of many firsts and bold decisions, and I'm not afraid to live by my words. So help me, God.

PS: I did not give any advice in this article. Please, don’t be stupid. I won’t be accountable o. 💀
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A poem to close this piece.

What better way to fight grief than acceptance?
What better way to move on than to forgive the past?
What better way to feel beautiful than to embrace your scars?
What better way to succeed than to always try?

We have to accept,
That sometimes, the best things to do are the hardest.

— Me

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One last thing: I wrote a piece on love (friendship) and it’s been getting very positive reviews. Click here to read it, you might love it too.