How Do I Feel?

It’s been about five months since I wrote to you, and today is my first birthday as a married man. This feels like a good moment for a writing comeback. Depending on how I feel after publishing this, I might just return.

I know I said I’d write more this year, yet you haven’t read anything new from me. In my defence, I’ve been writing a lot—mostly for work—but even more meaningful than any of those, I wrote a book for my wife as a wedding gift. Some might call it romantic; others might say I did it because I couldn't afford grander gestures like a house in Ikoyi or a Mercedes. I’ll leave you to decide who's right. But remember: words hold their value longer than real estate, abi?

But that's not even the gist. The gist is: I said I’d write more this year, and I've already written my favourite work ever—that’s a win. Still, I hope I keep writing because, for me, it isn’t just an obligation or a promise to fulfil; it’s a way of reconnecting with deeper parts of myself and untangling my thoughts. Writing is a mental exercise—one I never want to stop.

I’m grateful for another year, even though it feels like life’s moving faster than ever. Honestly, most times I feel younger than my age. But my call back to reality are the mature thoughts that now occupy my mind. I’ve never had more responsibilities, expectations, and standards to chase, yet I’ve also never experienced this much love, laughter, and goodness.

My wants in life are at an all-time high, yet somehow, these past months have been the most fulfilling of my life. Maybe this is the first lesson here—that even in your greatest need, you might be living your greatest blessings. Don’t let what you don’t yet have stop you from enjoying what you’ve already been given.

But this isn’t even about lessons, really. I’m just trying to have a conversation.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about people, life, and how we all change. Sometimes the change is exactly what you hope for; other times, it shocks you deeply. And then I turn inward and ask myself, "Have I changed too? And when I inevitably change, what will I become?"

I can only hope that I remain firm in the things that matter most—that every change is towards becoming better, and that I never lose my faith.

I'm also learning how crucial it is to manage my energy and protect my peace. Because if you look closely enough, there’s always something to worry about. Even if your own life feels calm, issues still arise among people you care about, not to mention the chaos in the wider world. I remind myself to focus on my circle of influence: adjust what I can, and leave alone what’s beyond my control.

Speaking of adjusting, marriage has taught me quite a bit about that. For someone who’s been passionately pro-marriage all his life, I feel incredibly fortunate—not just because I got married, but because I married my wife. Being very new to marriage, I'm loving every moment, even though it comes with its own unique challenges. If you're married, you probably understand. If you’re not, let me tell you: marriage exposes you. Maybe you're not as selfless, organized, patient, or understanding as you once believed. These are things you only truly see clearly when you live every day with your spouse. Recognizing them isn’t enough; marriage demands you adjust and grow. It’s not just about love—it’s about the constant, quiet adjustments that sustain love.

Listen, I don’t think my 95-day experience qualifies me to offer marriage advice, but this one is pretty basic. That said, my excitement for life right now isn’t primarily tied to marriage, it's in how I'm beginning to find ease in things I used to struggle with, how I’m overcoming the curse of knowledge by taking action regardless of perfection, how I'm forming necessary habits, and how I’m prioritizing better. I'm not perfect, but there's undeniable growth, and for that, I'm proud.

It’s my birthday today, and honestly, I’m just happy to be here. I'm living a healthy life—one guided by conscience and consciousness. I'm deeply mindful of the blessing of people, and truthfully, I’m not sure I deserve them. Still, I'm immensely grateful for their love, presence, and endless support.

If you asked me how I feel today, I'd say I feel a bit of everything. But more than any emotion, I choose to amplify gratitude—gratitude to my Lord for this life, these blessings, this mind, these people, and the never-ending streams of grace and mercy.

Just happy to be here, you know...