Do I need help?
The things I’m going to share in this article are very personal.
I almost decided not to share because “why should people know so much about you?” But when have I ever followed that; when have people not known so much about me?
I’ve written about struggles, hobbies, failed ambitions, breakthroughs, family issues, friendships that ended, successes, motivation, and others alike, with me being the protagonist in those stories. Today is not the day I stop doing that. Amen?
I like to share things through my writing. It has always been my thing to create pieces, cook lines, document my experiences, and speak to people. Writing also gives me a lighter mind and a clearer head, which keeps me sane and adequately prepares me for the next challenge.
Yes, I write so you could read, but I write for myself also.
.
Let’s come back home: do I need help?
Although I’ve got plenty of love, different channels of support, and some change for survival — I need more than that, obviously. Because love will not pay the bills, support will not deliver that Audi, and the shawarma money I have is not enough to sponsor a vacation to Italy.
I need money to stop any nonsense, to afford audacity, and to live the good life.
But as much as I need to get that good life, I do not like to ask anyone for help. Or to even be offered help.
I once explained the reason for my fear of needing help is ‘cos
“if you need help, many people will want to help you. And if many people want to help you, it reduces your chance of getting the help you need. So much pressure on you, and a very big chance of you disappointing all your potential helpers.”
I don’t know if that makes sense to you. But if it doesn’t, I’ll give you some context.
These past few months have come with a higher level of expectation, so I’ve felt the pressure. Also, as there’s no academic or national obligation to fulfill, I’m being seen.
People care, and because they care, they’ve tried to help. Here are some of the advice I’ve gotten:
— To Japa
There are people whose advice for me is to japa and leave this country.
Good advice tbh, especially because things are so hard in Nigeria and it’s kinda easier now to leave if you really want to.
There’s the part of the new beginning, the hope it inspires, and access to opportunities. There’s also access to basic amenities, beautiful places, and diverse cultures. There are a lot of good reasons, I know.
But migration costs a lot. A lot of money, yes, but it costs more than money — way more than money.
I really do not want to spend that much money (if I get it), leave everything and everyone behind, and go elsewhere without a proper plan and a high level of conviction. Because I know how saturated everything and everywhere is, if I’ll be leaving the good things I have here behind, I’d love to get where I choose to migrate to with a certain level of advantage — a level I’m yet to attain.
Yes, I’ve tried leaving the country on my terms but it didn’t work out, but at the moment, I’m actively not trying.
Migrating is a big deal to me, and I’m not trying to make a big decision because it seems like everyone is making it.
Of course, I’m not ruling out the possibility of moving. But I hope if it ever happens, it’s as a result of personal conviction and not one of desperation.
— To be a Tech Bro
A close relative was telling me about someone in IT who writes code and earns about $5k per month. Lol, what if I had told him that I know people who earn way more than that? And I don’t just know them, some of them are my friends who live here in Nigeria.
The relative (and a few others) have advised me to learn how to code and they’ve even shared links that could help.
The issue with this advice is that you end up looking unserious, because why are you not taking their advice? Don’t you want to earn 3 million naira per month also? Abi how you wan take buy your Audi?
But what these people don’t see is that beyond the tech-journey content and testimonials they see on social media, you know more than them. You’ve worked at/for startups, you have friends who are founders, and you see what tech bros are doing; so you know there’s bastard money in tech. But more than the knowledge of the money, you have a basic understanding of the skill, and that’s how you’re convinced you don’t want to make that switch from the field you are in, to core tech.
Sure, you’re trying to land a high-paying job in tech, but it doesn’t have to be as a software engineer. There are people in this tech who can’t successfully print "Hello, World!" and they’re rich and fulfilled.
Their advice for you to make a radical switch from your line to core tech, is like the one given to a young 2nd choice goalkeeper of a mid-table team to switch to being a striker because he’s more likely to get paid higher and get awards as a striker than as a goalkeeper.
That advice is inconsiderate of the goalkeeper’s strengths which are his handling, shot-stopping, and reflexes. Truly, the strikers may earn more on average, but his best chance to be a starter in a top team and get paid better is if he remains a goalkeeper, while improving his skills so that he can become the first choice. He shouldn’t just neglect his strengths and progress because it seems easier to hit the top from outside his position… But is it really easier?
— Contradictory Advice and Ridiculous Offers
There is also the issue of contradictory advice. One group is telling you to broaden your scope and learn/do more things in your line, while the other group is telling you the reason you’ve not blown is ‘cos you didn’t specialize.
Both are logical contributions, depending on the context. But it’s impossible to take both pieces of advice. Yeah?
There are people who tell you to settle and take the ridiculous offers you’ve been getting because starting small is the way. True, but I started small many years ago: I’ve worked for free and I’ve steadily collected way lesser than I deserved.
But there comes a time in your life when you decide to stop edging and stop settling. You go for what you deserve, and patiently wait for it. Starting small is good, but continuing small is foolish. God Abeg!
There’s a lot more advice/help I’ve gotten that won’t fit in this piece. I’ll be stupid if I don’t acknowledge that the pieces of advice come from good places, so I’m grateful to everyone who’s genuinely tried to help me. Although this makes me scared because the only justification for not taking a piece of advice is having a better plan. But do I?
I’ve got dreams, personal expectations, and goals. I want to stay true to them, improve as much as I can, and patiently wait for what I want.
I hope it comes. I hope it comes, soon.
I’m very grateful for all the privileges I have. To know what you want/do not want, to have options, and to be able to afford patience — these are privileges most people in the world do not enjoy. So, Alhamdulillah.
I’m also grateful for hope. The reason I’m choosing not to settle is ‘cos I still believe. And that’s a really big deal.
I’ve prayed for clarity all my life and I won’t stop praying.
But now, beyond clarity, I also pray for guidance. Because knowing what you want isn’t enough; the biggest deal is “how do you get it?”
So please guide me, bless me, and keep me firm, Oh Lord. As you’re The Guide, The Provider, and The Firm.
So, “do I need help?”
You now know enough, so I’ll leave you to answer that for me.
I’ll end with a poem that relates to the first paragraph of this article. It’s a poem from my second book “Of Feelings, Thoughts, and Memories” which was published exactly three years ago.
They don't talk to their friends
When sorrow flirts with them
Because they cannot afford to
Let someone know about their sadness.but...
They pick up a pen and write
About the things affecting them
Because that relieves them.then..
I wonder why writers are so absurd
Why refuse to talk to just one person
But expose yourself to the world?— Me || Writers are Absurd